Dear Friends,

After another week of setbacks regarding my health, I’m happy to say that I managed to complete the rewrites on 2 more chapters of Chanson! I am really pleased with my progress as I work my way through these early chapters. The upcoming chapters are more developed in the first draft stage than were the earlier ones, so I’m hoping they will go much faster.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my Phantom’s isolation, and having been struck by a few articles about Gerard Butler (actor who plays the 2004 film version of the Phantom) I’ve been wondering why we all seem to share this one trait with the Phantom, including Gerry who has admitted to being lonely at times. You all know what I mean; you are in the midst of a group of people, surrounded by laughter and friends having fun socializing, and yet within yourself, you feel a profound sense of aloneness…. so deep that it’s very nearly painful.

In praying about this strange phenomenon, it came to me what is the cause of those feelings of isolation, where no matter what you do, or how you interact with others, you often feel like you’re on the outside looking in. You see, we are each individuals who harbor a whole world of experiences, memories and motives within ourselves that no other person on earth can share in common with us. You could tell someone every single detail about yourself, but that does not mean they know the real you. I am speaking of the real you when no know one is watching…. your thoughts, your motives and desires. Unless another person can get inside your head and heart, they cannot see you as you are…. they can only perceive what they see.

Even our closest loved ones are not permitted inside our minds…. even husbands, best friends and family members are barred from that secret country which is our heart. I am closer to my husband than any other human being on earth. I have told him nearly everything I can remember about my past, and he does know me better than anyone….and yet, he still cannot know the real me….no one can, and this my friends is the reason why human beings feel ultimately alone.

Even more frightening is the notion that we don’t even know ourselves (another musing by Gerry Butler in a recent interview) and how can we truly know ourselves when we change from day to day? We are not on this day what we will be tomorrow, because each experience adds another layer to our complexities…. but I suppose that is the beauty of being human, knowing that each day is an opportunity for remaking and learning and growing.

When I think of all the “Phantoms” out there in the real world; those people who have no one to share their lives with, those souls who truly are isolated from society… I feel that sadness weighing down on me. Our Erik is fictional, and his isolation led to violence and insanity…. but how many are out there on a smaller scale, always feeling like the outsider looking in?

I am reminded of a line from the beautiful film, PS I Love You, where Holly’s mother is trying to comfort her from the loss of her husband. Patricia says to her daughter: “If we’re all alone, then we’re all together in that too.”

For me though, there one day came an end to my own isolation when someone finally did break through my “aloneness” and that someone is the only ONE who can and does have entrance into my very soul. Nothing is hidden from Him, and there is no part of me He does not see… I am an open book. That someone is my Lord and Savior, and how lovely it is to know that I known and understood at last.

Paisley